Drugs

Laramie is such a small town that everyone’s business is pretty much known.  There are many young people who drink and do some drugs.  Most of my friends and I avoid that scene normally.  Every once and a while we will try some things out but none of us are consistent users.  People always say that kids in small towns are more likely to try recreational drugs because they have nothing better to do, but I don’t think that is how Laramie is.  There are no more drug users here then there are back home, which was a much bigger city.

I mostly stick to drinking which is all okay since I am of age.  I know a few guys from around town, Aaron and Russell who seem to be pretty big into drugs.  I have been around them a little when hanging out at fireside and just being in such a small town.  They seem to do more hard core drugs than many of the young people around Laramie.  They have never seemed to be violent or act too weird when they are high, so they have never presented themselves as a risk to me.  But the drugs are letting them take themselves too far in life, they are kind of held back at low pay jobs.  They are capable of so much more and I wish they would try harder to avoid the drug addict life.  I only hope that as they grow up they will realize the harm they are causing themselves and their families, Aaron had a child and a wife.  But, they are only twenty- one so they have so time seeing that they aren’t causing too much harm around Laramie.

Mom and Dad

I have always been very close with my mother and father.  Since I was a child they have been a bit overprotective and sheltered me from a lot.  But I never resented them for it, I guess I was just a laid back child.  When I opened up to them about being gay they were initially shocked and confused.  They didn’t really understand and to this day I’m not sure they fully do, but I’m certain it hasn’t affected how they feel about me, we all still love each other very much. 

I came to Wyoming to go to school because I felt like I could make a big difference here.  This was hard for me because it meant leaving my family and that took some real getting used to.  I think it hurt my parents even more.  They kept presenting me with opportunities of schools in our area until the day I left for Laramie.  They couldn’t understand why I chose Laramie. 

Once I adapted to being in such a small town and began to make new friends I told my parents all about it.  They soon understood why I chose Laramie and weren’t as upset about me leaving.  I still go back a visit on every break and holiday.  And on some special occasions I will take a week off.  My mother’s birthday happens to be towards the end of second semester so I took a few days off to go see her.  It meant the world to her and me, allowing myself to go back and visit so frequently is the only way I can manage living here without them.

Natural Beauty of Wyoming

Romaine and me like to go out and do all sorts of exciting things.  When we hang out we often have some of our other friends with us, many that we know from the coffee shop.  One thing we really enjoy doing is going hiking.  Wyoming is one of the most beautiful places in the United States and we love to take advantage of our setting.  And if we both wanted to get out, sometimes we would just go and watch the sunrise. 

In Wyoming you are nearly never too far away from a national forest and where there even where there isn’t a national forest you can usually find some beautiful scenery.  Romaine is the one that initially got me interested in hiking and now I am the one who keeps us going.  I like it because it provides a break from reality, a time where you can just let everything go.  We have tried to introduce some of our friends to it, but hiking was a little much for them.

Watching the sunrise or sunset was something we could all get into.  We could watch from just about anywhere but the best views were always from somewhere outside of town.  When me and Romaine want the perfect experience we hike up somewhere to watch the sunrise.  But when we want to bring all of our friends or we have work or class we settle for the outskirts of town.  My favorite place on the outskirts is just outside town where there is a fence that has the perfect view of a mountain range that is topped with snow most of the year, it has a eerie feeling to it but the scenic view beyond is worth it.

Fort Collins

As you all may have assumed from my past entries, I am gay.  I am open about it even though there aren’t many open homosexuals in Laramie, Wyoming.  With that there comes a very slight amount of prejudice but most of all loneliness.

Most people in Laramie live by the saying “live and let live” but there are those who think that I am only interested in dating every man I talk to.  I am not, I don’t think me being gay should affect my friendship with anyone, male or female.  I have only experienced this a few times since arriving here and it hasn’t stopped me from conversing with anyone. 

I more commonly feel lonely, not because I don’t have friends but because I don’t have a significant other.  Being one of the few gays in Laramie I usually have to travel to a bigger city to get any action.  The first time I went to a gay bar I called up Doc O’Connor, who nearly everyone knows, to take me to Fort Collins to go to a gay bar.  I was at first worried he wouldn’t be comfortable taking me so I gave him a disclaimer before we headed off.  He was alright with it and that night was a great break where I got to see other men.  Many people I met at the bar found it odd that I was alright living in Laramie, since it was such a small town with firm beliefs. I love it there and so I enjoyed my night out having fun, but didn’t think twice about moving away from Laramie.

Mr. Peacock

Today I just met with my counselor Mr. Peacock for the first time.  He was very welcoming and I could tell that he noticed how nervous I was.  I am new to town and I don’t know many people or how this school works.  I was worried to talk to my counselor and have him tell me my ideas didn’t fit in with this school or community.  But as soon as we started to speak I realized he wouldn’t judge me, he was going to encourage me towards my dreams until the day I graduated from the university. 

I told him about my interest in politics and social sciences and he gave me some much needed direction.  He helped me to focus in on where I wanted to take my degree and what I wanted to accomplish while I was at the university.  As soon as I got done I went over to the coffee shop where Romaine works.  We are still getting to know each other but I didn’t have anyone else to talk about my great new motivation with.  Luckily the shop was empty so she came over and talked with me.  She didn’t share my same passion for politics or social science that I did but she understood my points and had an educated opinion about everything we discussed.  I feel like with her I am completely comfortable and I hope that we can become closer.  And I am going to try to get her hooked on politics as long as we are friends.

Gay Rights Movement

Gay rights have gone back and forth in many states and are just recently becoming legalized in many.  Some states have still yet to even broach the topic of gay rights.  I strongly believe in the people’s right to make their own decisions without having them affected by outside parties.  While at the university here in Laramie I have learned a lot about how I want to change this world, I have learned that everyone can make a difference and this is one thing that I can begin a fight for.  Here in Laramie not many people openly speak out against homosexuality many people here believe live and let live.  There is no way to force someone to have your beliefs but people must be able to accept others for who they are. 

Wyoming does not recognize any same sex marriages.  What gives the government the right to decide who should be together.  I can accept that some people don’t believe or understand homosexual relationship, but I can’t understand how they think they have the right to dictate how people live.  Gay and lesbian couples don’t speak out about heterosexual relationships, so why do heterosexuals speak out against the gay and lesbian relationships.  We are now in a day and age where we have achieved so much and overcome so many judgments yet so many people refuse to overcome their prejudice against homosexuality.  I hope that in my lifetime I can make a difference and help the gays and lesbians gain rights.

Fireside

There is a bar here is Laramie called Fireside.  Its owner has the dream of adding a pool hall, restaurant and a gift shop on someday.  The owner, Matt, has always been welcoming to everyone as long as they are nice folk with good intentions.  The atmosphere is nice and the customers generally keep to themselves.  I tend to go there because there aren’t many bars in Laramie and Fireside is the nicest one near me.  I usually go to the bar with a group of friends from the university but I always feel comfortable to go alone just to grab a beer. 

Being from a bigger city I am used to there being more options when it comes to the night life, but in Laramie the selection is limited.  But, Fireside is a perfectly good place to grab a drink and I can always head to a bigger city for the evening if I am interested in a different scene.

I have to admit that sometimes a few of the younger patrons of Fireside seem a bit judgmental but it has never worried me too much.  I am pretty open when it comes to talking to people and if I start a conversation with someone that feel too uncomfortable I will just let it end and mind my own business.  Nothing ever seem to get our of hand and if it did the workers at Fireside are very responsible and generally pretty alert.  Overall, Fireside is a great hang out in Laramie and hopefully can stay alive long enough to become everything the owner dreams of.

Favorite Songs

I connect music with so many great moments of my life and sometimes just listening to a song can bring back moments as if I am reliving them.  These songs are all pretty random but they all have great memories attached to them.

Just Dance, Lady Gaga

http://www.songlyrics.com/lady-gaga/just-dance-lyrics/

This song definitely gets everyone in a good mood.  A few years back this was Romaine and my favorite song to listen to when she was cleaning up the coffee shop.  When this song would come up on the radio we would jump around on tables singing into brooms and mops.  They were cliché moments but so much fun! 

Old Time Rock N’ Roll

http://www.songlyrics.com/bob-seger/old-time-rock-roll-lyrics/

It was 70’s night at the club and this is a song that makes me want to dance.  I hadn’t seen anyone that interested me to much that night until this song started playing.  A super attractive guy came up and we just started dancing, we didn’t even say anything.  He was visiting Fort Collins from the east coast, so unfortunately no relationship came out of that, but we became friends and still talk to this day.  I hope to have a night simiar to that night but hopefully I can meet someone that there can be a deeper relationship with.

My Beautiful Rescue, This Providence

http://www.songlyrics.com/this-providence/my-beautiful-rescue-renovated-lyrics/

My love life has been very slow here is Laramie, which is understandable.  I listen to this song when I am just lounging around and it comforts me.  I sometimes feel like my love is going no where or that my relationships are doomed, but I am always going to try.  They describe the pain and heartache of falling in love and I can relate to that completely.  I love how this song embraces love and all the effort and pain that goes into it, and I embrace that.

Sweet Disposition, The Temper Trap

http://www.songlyrics.com/temper-trap/sweet-disposition-lyrics/

I fall asleep to this song when I am having trouble getting to sleep.  It is lyrical and soothing, I never really listened to the words until recently and I realized that they are actually very nice.  They describe never giving up, which is something I am a firm believer in.  This is one song that I think I will listen to for quite a long time.

Slow Down, The Academy Is

http://www.songlyrics.com/the-academy-is/slow-down-lyrics/

I really like The Academy Is and this song in particular represents everything I never want.  It shows you how bad things can be if you want feelings but don’t really have them.  No matter how much I would love to have a relationship, I will never be the person to go through the motions but never really feel anything.  I want a true connection that comes naturally, that is the only way to have a healthy and strong relationship.

For the First Time, The Script

http://artists.letssingit.com/the-script-lyrics-for-the-first-time-f2x4qjv

The Script perfectly captures the pain and hardship that many relationships go through and the strength it takes to stay together.  I believe that every relationship that has a solid foundation has the strength to stay together if both people are completely invested.  I hope to someday find myself a relationship that is this strong.

"Lyrics." Song Lyrics. Web. 14 Feb. 2011.

"Lyrics." Lets Sing It. Web. 14 Feb. 2011.

Best Friends

Romaine works at a local coffee shop not too far from the university where I go and meet her quite often.  She can make a pretty amazing cup of coffee so the trip over to meet her while she works is always worth it.  There is a bar near the kitchen area with one seat right between the coffee machine and the cash register.  I always sit there, and when someone is in my seat I mill around the shop and stare down them down until they leave.  The shop usually has a consistent flow that isn’t too heavy giving Romaine plenty of time to talk to me.  And when the shop does get too busy I make small talk with the customers who all seem so welcoming and kind, I have actually made a few friends from this casual small talk. 

I actually met Romaine when I first moved to Laramie when I was sitting in the seat that I now claim as my own.  I was new in town and I didn’t know many people so I was still pretty shy.  Romaine noticed me as new in town, because there are so few people a visitor or new comer is fairly noticeable.  She came up to me and started commenting on my wardrobe that day, which pretty obviously didn’t fit in Laramie.  That was one of the most awkward yet effective icebreakers ever.  We became very close very quickly seeing that I went to the coffee shop during my mandatory math class every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I always told her it was because I hated math but looking back was more because she was one of my only friends in Laramie and I wanted to get closer to her.  By the end of my first semester we were hanging out all the time and sharing the best moments ever.

Hey Bloggers!

Hey everyone! I am Matthew Shepard, but I really prefer Matt.  Some of my good friends even call me Choo-Choo, which is kind of embarrassing but sweet.  I live in Laramie, Wyoming which is a small town where everyone knows everyone.  I love this place, it’s beautiful from the weather to the scenic surroundings.  I moved here to come to school at the University of Wyoming which I am really enjoying.  It is providing me all sorts of ideas about what to do with my life, and I am really learning a lot about how I feel about myself.  There are so many people on campus that have such interesting stories and ideas about life and it has taught me so much about opinions and thoughts of others.

One of my very best friends here is Romaine, she is amazing! She understands everything about me and embraces it which makes us so close.  We have so many similar interests from our music taste to our favorite ways to spend spare time.  We both love all sorts or music, we have so many songs to go with moments of our lives.  In our spare time we like to have a good time, we do all sorts of fun things like go hiking or just hanging out casually with some friends. 

When it comes to talking about myself sometimes I get a little uncomfortable so I hope that I can share things about myself and keep everyone interested.  I will talk to you all soon!